By Ima Greenie, Daily Planet Staff Reporter
GOTHAM CITY - There has been a significant increase this month in reported sightings of superheroes throughout Gotham City and the rest of the Country.
Just outside of Richmond, Virginia, a woman known to her Internet following as Burbanmom entered her child's preschool, clothed in a green cape, green leather boots, a gold headpiece and gold wrist bands. She approached the teacher and
offered to provide a flyer's worth of educational eco-tips for Earth Day. Onlookers report that Burbanmom raised her gold wrist bands to deflect the expected laughter and criticism, which apparently never came. It is further reported that the school has invited Burbanmom to spear-head additional ecologically related activities. The investigation is ongoing.
Across the country, in Oakland, the infamous Betty Terry, an environmental explosives expert known for expelling fake plastic fish and other plastic paraphernalia from homes and businesses, launched a campaign to
convince Clorox to take back and recycle Brita filters, create new filters that do not need to be discarded and design a product that can be dismantled and fully recycled. Members of the public report that Ms. Terry has solicited their participation in her escapades by asking them to sign a petition and send in their used Brita filters. It is suspected that Ms. Terry and her cohorts will descend on Clorox headquarters sometime in the near future, armed with thousands of returned filters. Ms. Terry is said to have adopted a new superhero suit bearing the following logo:
Any sighting of Ms. Terry should be reported immediately as she is considered extremely dangerous to the plastic industry. Members of the public are strongly encouraged to visit this site to learn more about Ms. Terry and her crusading campaign.
Meanwhile across the Bay, a person known only as Green Bean entered a City Council meeting flanked by five caped individuals. Witnesses report that the super six appeared to have never met but quickly banded together and overtook the meeting. The avengers addressed the council with rallying calls for residential curbside pick up of food waste. Green Bean's words to the council were largely drown out by the sound of her frantically beating heart. Nonetheless, Green Bean and her companions were greeted with smiles and nods from the council and cheers from bystanders. Once the public comment period was over, said crusaders disappeared into the crowd and could not be located.
Further south, a woman dressed solely in second-hand black leather has been spotted trolling the LA Metro and hiding in bushes outside of office buildings. Police believe they have identified the woman as Arduous, a public transit super heroine, based upon interviews with two bosses for said woman. Ms. Arduous could not be reached for comment at this time.
Elsewhere, parents at a Little League game reported the woman identified alternately as Eco 'Burban Mom and The Trash Lady transforming her cape into a garbage bag capable of collecting untold amounts of recyclables from suburban sports games (see comments). Spiderman was recently seen scaling a building in Hong Kong. Outside of Chicago, Sexy Mama was sighted wielding two steel reusable water bottles and liberating litter through out the suburbs. Desert Dwellers have long whispered tales of a dark character known as Chile, who skulks in kitchen corners seeking to rid them of clutter and non-local produce. Finally, there are a reports of a family of supers on a mysterious bike train appearing at random farmers' markets across the country.
These reports make one thing quite clear. Super powers are on the rise. Caped crusaders are appearing everywhere and scientists cannot pinpoint any one cause for their abrupt emergence. Some posit that Climate Change coupled with drugs in our drinking water have triggered Sudden Super Syndrome in ordinary adults who previously cared minimally about the state of the environment. Other experts believe that these individuals have been living amongst us all the while, shielding their identities and line drying their clothes in secret. They believe that Super Chicken may have inspired these previously unidentified individuals to materialize from their dimly light homes. Whatever the cause, environmental avengers are on the rise and one may be living in your neighborhood, your apartment building or sharing office space with you. Take caution as heroic tendencies are thought to be highly contagious.
Please address any comments or report additional superhero sightings to the author.